HOW I REALLY FEEL

RSS THEME ask me anything
i try and put on a smile all the time, but it's hard when you know you're just not as pretty, thin or worth it as your friends and all that other scum out there. i know i have problems, you do when you hurt yourself to get some damn attention, don't i deserve that at least? follow me if you're a lonely soul too.
  • the truth about me.

    they’re all at me again, saying ‘stop being so fucking sad, smile, you’re supposed to be happy’ but they don’t know that i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 4 months ago. i have no control over the incredible sadness i feel most of the time i’m awake, but i’m too scared to tell them because i KNOW they’ll look at me differently if they knew about my mental illness. i don’t talk about how i feel with anyone, not even my family, but i’d like to thank all my lovely followers for your support. i just can’t be fucked covering it up, sometimes i can’t eat, or sleep, or think, and they don’t even notice let alone fucking care. a few weeks ago, i wanted to hurt myself, to see if my stupid soul-less friends would even give a shit, or maybe come and see me in hospital. but i’m too scared, because what if none of them show up???
    please reblog, and comment on what i should do, you’re the only ones i can talk to, i dont want to live my life in sadness. 


  • they say i’m too clingy…

    its like i’m chasing a high. when i’m with this one friend i have, everything feels ok. like all my sadness and worry just is shut into a room and the key is thrown away. when im with her i feel like i have worth, she makes me feel pretty, and funny, and makes me so so happy, but as soon as she leaves, i feel the comedown. i know i cant be with her all the time, but its like i just wish she knew how much i cry when she cancels our plans, our how much i think about her and want to just be around her. i sometimes think how many of my friends would come to visit me in hospital let alone care if i hurt myself, and i hope that she would be there. but if she didnt come, i think i would fall to pieces. she has suck a higher ranking than me, and has cooler friends, so i’m basically at the bottom of the pile, but i dont care. even i i see her in the corridor or she smiles at me from across the room, i feel like i can keep on going.


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